Shortly buys fresh eggs at ½ off to save money… John Gabriel

I loaned money to my ex-girlfriend

and now money is tight. I bought a dozen fresh eggs at a ½ off sale to save money

and to might dismay, they all hatched by the time I got home.

Now I have no eggs to eat and twelve more mouths to feed….

John Gabriel ©

My ex-girlfriend makes a voodoo doll

My ex-girlfriend made a voodoo doll in the likeness of me. After sticking several pins in it she said the doll was just like me, worthless and didn’t work…

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The Lotto and my Ex-Girlfriend…

I guess I’ll never understand women. One of my ex-girlfriends just called me this morning telling me I owed her $100 for lotto tickets she bought for the both of us to share. She said unfortunately none of our tickets were winners. And to think I thought all this time she never thought of me… Shortly Shorts

Shortly calls Denise…

I can hardly believe it myself but I finally got a name and phone number from a hot looking lady to add to my new smartphone. Even more amazing, she asked me to call her tonight at 8 pm!
When 8 pm finally came around, I grabbed my phone and spoke into it, “Call Denise.”
The friendly female voice replied, “Delete Denise.”
“No, No, I don’t want it to be deleted!”
The voice replied back, “I’m sorry the number has been deleted, would you like me to search for a different Denise?”

Copyrighted work by John Gabriel

Shortly gets a phone number from Wanda…

I found this note on my doorstep and genuinely felt bad that Wanda had to move for a new job after only one date with her. But on the bright side I can tell by her note she was really impressed with how I was so penny-wise and thrifty! It’s not often that a woman is so amazed by me that I leave her dazed!

 

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Shortly changes a lady’s tire…

 

I came to the aid and changed a flat tire for a lady as another guy mostly watched me. I ripped my new shirt, scraped my knuckles and got quite dirty. When completed, I got a thank you. The other guy got a thank you, big hug and her phone number… On the bright side, you can’t even notice the rip on my shirt when I wear a sweater over it.

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Shortly paints the basement floor…

My mom asked me to paint the basement floor and give my temporary living arrangement a little color. Not to my surprise, I actually painted myself in a corner and now know how it feels to watch paint dry for eight hours. I also learned the paint didn’t completely dry in eight hours and tracked easily with my bare feet across the upstairs carpet.   On the bright side, that was the best eight hours I’ve enjoyed in a long time…

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Some people just can’t take a compliment…

I told a lady at work today I wish I could grow a mustache like hers and suddenly she got really angry at me. I guess some people just can’t take a compliment…

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Shortly Shorts and speed dating….

 

Last night I went to my first speed dating event. Every 3 minutes I would go from table to table to briefly introduce myself to a different lady. By the end of the night I must have went to 30 or more different tables but had the worse luck ever. The women would just sit there without speaking and make hand gestures for me to leave. Thinking back to last night, they all must of had laryngitis from a cold or flue. I was bummed out that I didn’t get a single name or number but did find all the ladies to be very thoughtful. They must of all waved me away so I didn’t catch whatever they had…

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I don’t get Hump Day! Shortly Shorts

I don’t get all this stuff about Hump Day and that TGIF thing! All Hump Day means is two more days till another no date weekend and spending one more Friday night with my mom watching reruns on television and eating tuna fish sandwiches on raisin bread with not enough mayonnaise. I want to start a campaign for Thank God it’s Monday…

Copyrighted work by John Gabriel